and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize