I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
