i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
