I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
