im about as happy as oj after his trial
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just invented taco cereal.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize