3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
