Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
