Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize