Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
