we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
