So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
