If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
