you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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