So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize