you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
