im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
