id be glad to
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
