I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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