Can Purell be used as lube?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
