he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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