just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
