woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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