The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
