Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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