I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
