is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
