we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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