I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Randomize
