For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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