When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
