and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
