I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
