Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
