period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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