I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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