you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
