remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
