This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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