am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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