ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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