Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
