If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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