im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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