its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
