he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
