all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
