Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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