youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
