I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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