mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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