My hand turned me down
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize