DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
