We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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