I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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