dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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