it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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