Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize