Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
