I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
