Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
