6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
