Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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