I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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