Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
this is an emotional support booty call
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
