This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
