i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Your penis caused this!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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