He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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