he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
