True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
too bad you live with your parents still
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize