1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
