I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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