i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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