The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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