apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Come back. Shots need mouths.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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