Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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