This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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