She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
