called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Randomize
