i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize