I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
