should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
