I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
