So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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