I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize