think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
