Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
