If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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