he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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