If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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