Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize