Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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