How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
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