my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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