East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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