Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
