Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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