lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
