youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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