My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
